Monday, March 21, 2011

Changing

People change. They have experiences in their life that change who they are. I have had one of those experiences recently {sad face} but after some thought, prayers, and many many tears ... I truly believe that my Heavenly Father is giving me these experiences and trials to mold me into what he needs me to be. Nothing happens by chance, and although my heart is still broken, I feel like I am being guided to be a better person.


That being said, I'm not done healing. This last miscarriage has thrown me through a loop! All I want is to add one more to my family. I feel that ache inside of me every day and I try to have the courage to move on ... but some days it's just hard. I don't feel like my mental, emotional, or spiritual strength is where it needs to be because all are being tested right now. I have an overwhelming urge to take the next 6 weeks or so of my life and try to heal. I plan to do the bare minimum outside of my family. No more weight watchers. No more crazy get togethers. Just me. I need to heal. I need to concentrate on growing. I need to go to the temple, read my scriptures, and pour my heart out to my Heavenly Father so he can take what I have inside of me and help me to make it better. I will get through this, and my family will make it. I know we will, but I feel like I need to take the time out of my life to make it happen and not just idly sit by hoping it will.

5 comments:

Bryce & Cortney Alvord said...

You can do it! So sorry, you're still hurting.

Lynsey said...

I'm glad that you are making time to take care of you. Take all the time you need to heal...don't put a time limit on it. I can only imagine the hurt and loss you are feeling right now....I still struggle with the one I lost. The Lord does love you and knows just what you can handle. You are loved!

Joanie said...

Jen,
I'm so sorry for your loss! You just take all the time to heal that you need and remember- you won't always feel this way.
Love you,
Aunt Joanie

Scarlett said...

Jen, I am so sorry about your miscarriage. I've been there and it is devastating. Especially when it is so hard to get pregnant in the first place. Why do we have to go through these trials? Who the heck knows. But you were spot on when you said that it changes us and makes us better people. The Lord is aware. I know it without a doubt. You are an amazing person and I admire your strength. But also know it is ok and I think very healthy to take time for yourself. You are in my thoughts and prayers. If you ever need a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear, I am totally here for ya. It's nice to talk to someone who understands what you are going through. :)

Marissa said...

I am so sorry for your hurt Jen. It me a long time to heal after we lost our Will, but I know you are doing the right thing taking care of yourself and the Lord will definitely help you. I honestly believe that His path is not easy, but it will bring us the most happiness in the end! Much love!