I Pretend to be Brave ...

It should probably make it a rule of thumb not to blog after 1:oo in the morning. It should also be a rule not to blog when you haven't seen your spouse for 48 hours .... regardless, I think I'm going to blog right now. Perhaps I should read it in the morning after I get my sleep to make sure it's not all pure emotion running through my fingertips.

I have been pretty candid these last couple of weeks of our family's struggle for parenthood. I am trying so hard to be brave and hopeful that this process will work for us again, but the fact is .... I'm scared. I have this burning desire inside to be a mom again; I am so afraid that it will be another big trial for us. I'm scared that it will take months and months of trying before we get pregnant again. AND after that happens -- then what? Getting pregnant isn't my only challenge when it comes to having children.

I've been pregnant 3 times. I'm scared that we will miscarry again. If we miscarry ... I have to have surgery, then that's several more months of waiting, hoping, and heartache.

I know that our Heavenly Father has a plan for us. I know that he is guiding us in our life ... which helps ease my nerves - But only a little. I wish it were a bit easier .... and am hoping for the best. We'll keep everyone posted. We could use the prayers!

Goal #6: Spiral Quilt

Joe is out of town this week, so besides playing with Jace, all I want to do is stuff for me! Sounds a bit selfish, but I see it as an awesome way to tackle some of the things on my January Check List.

Last night, I figured that I'd stay up and finish the quilt. I tend to sleep in until Jace wakes up anyway, and when I go to sleep at 10, that can turn into many hours of sleep that I don't need.

Jace has been waking up at 9 lately. SO I decided if I go to bed at 12 or later and wake up at 9, I still get my 8 to 9 hours of sleep!

I put on Harry Potter 6 and got to work. I was a little

disappointed on how my corners matched up .... but I'll get over it. I must have had a slightly smaller seam than .25 inches .... because the borders, which were calculated correctly, should have matched up perfectly. This is th first time I've done the "piano key" border though. I'll try it again on a different quilt.

All in all, I'm SUPER pleased with how it turned out! I think my goal for February or March will be to quilt and bind it. I need to buy material for the back now. I'm thinking ..... Pink :) I hope I'll get to use this little quilt soon! (fingers crossed ... see goal #1!)

GOAL #11 .... CHECK!

Goal #11was to go through Jace's toys, throw out the junk, "box" the baby, and organize the now. With such a generous santa and others this year spoiling my kid senseless ... this was a MUST DO for my January 'to do' list. I decided that today was the day!

I started by getting all of the little toys out of my bedroom and bringing them into Jace's room to be sorted. You can see his toys are really messy, and he doesn't have a ton, but I was excited to

feel like I was simplifying my life by removing some of the unused. I organized his closet, took toys and hid them under the stairs (and prayed that the spiders and bugs wouldn't get them!!).

I put new toys in his newly emptied closet and refilled his drawers in his book shelf.

Then we went downstairs (didn't get a before pic). Emptied his toy bin and sifted through those toys. VOILA!

Goal #1 ... CHECK.

It's no secret .... making babies isn't like ordering pizza for the Joe and Jen Boucher family. There is a long history of infertility in my family ... and I am no exception.

Here is the basic problem. I have a high level of insulin in my body. Because the cells of my body aren't accepting the insulin, my body is making a lot of it ... which causes the FSH and LH hormones (the reproductive ones) to get confused and not produce like they should. I, therefore, need to take a medication so that my body will lower it's insulin levels and my reproductive hormones can start kicking it into gear! I have to take Clomid to help the FSH mature my little baby eggs faster and Progesterone to make my cycle start over when this month's "go at it" was unsuccessful. This is what we get to go through to have babies. It's not a major pain, and I know others go through a lot worse, but it does get quite painful when others seem to have it "so easy".

I have waited patiently for several months, and finally I had an appointment TODAY! My fabulous Doc gave me the prescriptions I need and a game plan to follow. I am excited to get this going and hopeful for fast results ...

A New SIL

A big old fat CONGRATS to my lil brother and his new wife Jade. We are so very VERY happy for you two and hope that you have a wonderful life together. Can't wait to meet you JADE!!

LOVE you both!

NewI Years "RESOLUTIONS"

When I was in the 10th grade, I had a world history teacher that taught me about new years resolutions. He said ... don't make them! Yes, January 1 is a great time to reevaluate your life and priorities and make a change. BUT ... how many new years resolutions are actually kept. I mean there is a reason the gym is packed in January and empty by March! He told us instead to make a list of things that we want to accomplish in the year. A massive "TO DO" list. THEN, work as hard as we can to accomplish them. It could be anything from doing something nice to someone else to reading a book, hiking a mountain, or going to the temple.

The point is, by making a list of things you check off, if you don't do it one day, you haven't broken your resolutions. PLUS, you have a list of activities that you like/want to do to keep your mind and actions focused for the year.

I have decided that each month I would like to make up a list of 15 to 20 things that I need to accomplish for the month. I guess I'm making a resolution to do this .... I hope it will last. There are a lot of things I want done, and I know that if I don't focus on them, I will be no further along than I am now. I will keep this list on the sidebar of my blog, and hopefully comment, or blog, when I have completed my tasks.

SO ... Here are January's "resolutions:

1) Go to the doctor and get help with my infertility problem

2) Be under 175 pounds (SO that I can earn my body bugg!)

3) Try a new style of exercise

4) Buy the food of the person behind me in the fast food (OR SUBWAY) lane.

5) Gut my master bathroom

6) Finish my Spiral Quilt

7) Send someone a gift who might need it

8) Read Harry Potter 1 and watch the corresponding movie

9) Try a new food that I think I currently don't like

10) Write a thank you note to someone that has served me

11) Sift Through Jace's toys -- put away old -- throw out lame -- organize good!

12) Scrapbook Jace's baby pictures ... birth to one month!

13) Drink my body weight in water (that's just over 21 gallons)

14) Clean out and vacuum both cars

15) Ponder my trials, then read my patriarchal blessing to search for an answer.

Dear Jo

Last year SJMS started reading a school wide book to teach character development skills. The book was ok, but most had read it before in the 6th grade, and found it quite juvenile. I tried to read it myself, and never could quite make it to the end. I guess I should probably pick it up and finish it .... I was so close to the end. THEN maybe I'll figure out why the counseling department thought it was so wonderful.

The book, by the way, was called Stargirl.

This year, they decided to do a school wide read again,

but chose to read a different book. Dear Jo. They gave a copy to each member of the school, kids and teachers both, and had them read it during their TA class. I heard from several old colleagues that the book was phenomenal! A friend of mine had a student who threw out the book and gave it to me to read. I couldn't put it down.

The text is quite easy, and is in the form of a Journal (Jo). It's about 2 girls who get caught up in online chat rooms and find themselves in a big BIG mess.

If you have a teenager in your home, you should read this book. THEY should read this book. The Internet is not safe, and there are a lot of scary people out there ....

Read it! You can borrow my copy if you'd like.

The Rollercoaster

Weight loss has always been such a roller coaster for me. Currently, I'm not obese, but I'm not at a healthy weight either. My problem is that I have a hard time being motivated to buckle down, drop the cafe rio .... *YUM* and lose the weight.

Luckily, I'm a mathematician, and good with patterns :)

Joe and I are getting the "baby hungry" itch again. Well, I've had the itch for a little while ... but we have decided that now is the time to start looking into it again. As many of you know, getting pregnant is not like ordering pizza for our family. Joe and I have been married for almost 10 years and our son is only 1. It's trial ... but here is where my "good with patterns" trait comes into play. EVERY time I've gotten pregnant (all 3 times) I've been in the middle of losing weight. The first baby, I had lost about 20 lbs, with Jace, it was about 10, and with baby #3 ... probably in the 15 range. I was eating healthier and exercising. Perhaps these two things contributed to my hormones being more under control ... and thus easier to get pregnant. Maybe the fact that I have lost 5-10% of my body weight helps too. Maybe a combo of both.

Regardless of the WHY .... it has been a consistent pattern with my pregnancies.

I guess I found my motivation to lose the weight.

SO ... starting today .... I'm going straight.

Because there is another boucher baby up there waiting to come down.

Christmas Morning

Christmas Morning was awesome this year. Jace was SO much fun ... and got pretty darned spoiled if you ask me.

Joe and I are very impressed and excited that we were able to pull off Christmas this year with a pretty low budget ... but made it feel like we were getting spoiled. If you calculate the worth of everything we got ... we probably would have spent more than $700 ... but we didn't come anywhere near that.

Here are some photos of this morning's FUN! :)

Sandman Jammies ... he even got a lightning mcqueen car to go with it!

Look what Santa brought!
Once he saw his little chair, he was SO excited to go and sit in it. Santa sure did an awesome job!
Look .... there's buzz!!
AND WOODY!
He finally got Toy Story 3 for Christmas. He is super excited to watch it.
Thank You Mom!!
His big learning toy
AHHHH ... look at the haul

Merry Christmas!

Here Comes Santa Claus ....

Isn't he the cutest kid EVER?

Oh, and Santa's pretty cute too!