Thursday, January 13, 2011

I Pretend to be Brave ...

It should probably make it a rule of thumb not to blog after 1:oo in the morning. It should also be a rule not to blog when you haven't seen your spouse for 48 hours .... regardless, I think I'm going to blog right now. Perhaps I should read it in the morning after I get my sleep to make sure it's not all pure emotion running through my fingertips.


I have been pretty candid these last couple of weeks of our family's struggle for parenthood. I am trying so hard to be brave and hopeful that this process will work for us again, but the fact is .... I'm scared. I have this burning desire inside to be a mom again; I am so afraid that it will be another big trial for us. I'm scared that it will take months and months of trying before we get pregnant again. AND after that happens -- then what? Getting pregnant isn't my only challenge when it comes to having children.

I've been pregnant 3 times. I'm scared that we will miscarry again. If we miscarry ... I have to have surgery, then that's several more months of waiting, hoping, and heartache.

I know that our Heavenly Father has a plan for us. I know that he is guiding us in our life ... which helps ease my nerves - But only a little. I wish it were a bit easier .... and am hoping for the best. We'll keep everyone posted. We could use the prayers!

5 comments:

Bryce & Cortney Alvord said...

PRAYING FOR YOU!!!! I'm hear whenever you need me :)

Sarah Elizabeth said...

You guys are amazing! It'll happen & whatever little monkey comes your way next will be super lucky to join the family :) Sure love you guys :)

John and Kim said...

You are stronger than you think you are. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Beckie said...

MAN! why is it we have to have these struggles. I would love more than ANYTHING to have another baby... praying for you!

Mom and Dad said...

Jen, what you are feeling is what we all feel when we are in a situation that we don't have control over. You and Joe are doing very, very well with each other and your little Jace.
There is a hymn "Cast Thy Burden upon the Lord". That is true doctrine, Jen. Give the burden away. Remind yourself that Someone offered to carry it for you, and ask for help to do the things you can do. What you are feeling is REAL, but you can have help with the problems!
Love you Hon. You are great!!